It was a perfect morning for Patrick and Cathy’s wedding – a wonderful surprise, as the weather on surrounding days was too wet and windy. We were to set out on foot from Balnakeil Beach, and by 8 o’clock I’d parked by the ruined church and was reading the paper and drinking freshly-brewed coffee. The Best Man was the first to arrive, and he took me to meet Cathy and her friends, then back to Balnakeil Beach in time to walk to the chosen spot with Patrick and the wedding guests.

When they were first planning their wedding, it was going to be minimalist, but then they’d realised that they wanted to share the day with close family and friends – three generations of adults and children – including Patrick’s elderly mother, whose walking pace was stronger and faster than mine.

Patrick and Cathy share a passion for travel and adventure in wild places, and are never happier than when they’re swimming, surfing, hiking or climbing, or sleeping under the stars far away from so-called civilisation. It hadn’t surprised anyone that they’d chosen the Far North-West coast for their wedding – the venue would have been Cape Wrath, if we’d been able to rely on calm seas for the boat ride across the Kyle of Durness. They were planning to take the wedding party across later, to have their party in the Kervaig Bothy.

Patrick and his friends had been out to the chosen spot earlier on, and they’d made it safe by roping off the cliff edge, and providing a guiding-rope in the place where the path was narrow and the rocks uneven, so I had no concerns about the physical safety of guests. They’d also provided simple benches, cushions and rugs, which were definitely needed. The sun shone, but the wind was strong, so I kept the marriage schedule tucked away until after the ceremony (we signed it inside the 4×4 ‘wedding car’). The wind snatched at our voices, though, and some of our words were lost, so I was glad everyone was sitting and standing close enough to Patrick and Cathy to hear most of what was said.

Cathy and Patrick hadn’t include Symbolic Gestures, apart from a Faroese toast that they decided to hold over until later. They’re both wordsmiths by inclination and profession, one a writer , the other a television presenter, and they’d composed the script with care.  For a marriage of two such independent, strong characters, I was particularly touched by this:  As partners, husband and wife accept that one is good at one thing, and the other another. They give advice in the spirit of helpfulness rather than to criticise, and foster an attitude that encourages the other to flourish, in a relationship that’s constructive and allows both of them to grow – not one at the expense of the other.  They’re both big enough to support when needed, and push when required, and each tries to think of the other first, and each thrives on the other’s passions and successes. They see the good side, remember the good things, try to be positive. They plan the future and strive to achieve their goals, but they’re not afraid of changing course if circumstances change. And of course they’ve both got a sense of humour! It’s a good recipe for happiness in marriage.

http://www.durness.org/TIC%20Countryside%20Ranger.htm

http://www.undiscoveredscotland.co.uk/durness/balnakeil/index.html

Tracy’s family is from Golspie, so Dunrobin is their local Castle, though Tracy and Eoin live in Ireland, Eoin’s home country, with baby Euan, their pride and joy. Brides and Grooms always have so many last-minute things to do, however much help they have from friends and family, so I was glad they’d been able to meet me for a cup of tea the previous day, before we went along to Dunrobin for a short run-through.

As I walked towards the Castle, I was happy to hear the Piper playing for the arrival of the guests, and to see Scott and the photographer waiting by the front door. Dunrobin was looking beautiful, as always, and I reflected on how lucky I am to be able to visit such wonderful venues as part of my working day.

Before the ceremony began, there was a bit of joshing from the Irish Best Men and ushers, very warm and friendly, and warm and friendly describes the whole of the wedding. For me, this was just as well, as I’d left their handfasting ribbons hanging up in my van, and only remembered them as I started to read the relevant section of my script…. How unprofessional! Thank goodness it wasn’t my first wedding at the venue! Scott saved the day – he took my key and fetched the ribbons, while we moved on to one of the readings. (Memo to self: don’t answer the phone when getting ready for a wedding.)

One highlight for me was Eoin and Tracy’s Three Things, as they spoke about laughter, patience, understanding, clumsiness, forgetfulness, empathy and selflessness. Another was the reading of Paul’s letter to the Corinthians, in a beautifully written modern translation:  Love is patient, Love is kind and envies no-one. Love is never boastful, nor conceited nor rude; never selfish, nor quick to take offence. Love keeps no score of wrongs; Does not gloat over other men’s sins, but delights in the truth. There is nothing love cannot face; There is no limit to its faith, its hope, and its endurance.

Yet another highlight was the Sand Ceremony, with three colours of sand, one each for Bride and Groom, and another for the next generation, poured on their behalf by his Uncle Donnie.  Let’s acknowledge and celebrate now this joining of individuals and the uniqueness of this very lovely family with a simple ceremony. The mixing together of these three colours of sand represents not only the joining of Owen and Tracy in marriage but the arrival of the next generation of their families and the joy this has brought to you all. Every grain of sand is tiny, seemingly insignificant in the vast expanse of the world, but reminds us that every tiny quality we each possess helps to make up a great good, a wealth of human love, such as brings us together today to celebrate.

I also loved the short Naming ceremony for Euan, with parental promises to strive to provide Euan with a loving, caring home to enable him the freedom to develop his own personality and endeavour to give him a strong sense of identity and self-esteem and quide-parent promises to provide Euan with a guiding hand when he needs it most, help to teach him right from wrong, and love him for who he is. Khalil Gibran’s advice always brings a lump to my throat, too: You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

The best of love and luck to them all!

It was my first visit to Òran Mór, and I immediately understood why James and Claire had chosen it for their wedding: it’s stunningly beautiful, and I was glad I’d arrived early and had time to gaze around. Also, knowing that James and Claire wanted an intimate, informal atmosphere, I wanted to check the layout of the room. If the chairs are arranged in a slight curve, like rows in a theatre, everyone feels closer to the Bridal Party, so I asked one of James’s teemage relatives to help me move them. James, his Best Men and Ushers greeting guests as the Piper played, and soon everyone had climbed the spiral staircase and found their places, and we didn’t have long to wait before the Bridesmaids had arrived and Claire was entering the room on the arm of her dad.

If there are more than seventy guests, I like to start the Wedding Band Warming before the entrance of the Bride, so no one will feel hurried or self-conscious, and the Best Man won’t be panicking, so James and Claire’s family and friends were already ‘warming’ the rings and making their silent wishes for the future of the Bride and Groom.

To keep their nerves steady, James and Claire had decided to face towards one another during the ceremony, rather than looking out at their guests – but they’d told me how important their family and friends are to them, and it was very touching to witness the pleasure everyone felt in seeing them exchange their marriage vows. For me, one of the wedding highlights was Claire’s brother’s reading of Robbie Burn’s beautiful O, my luve is like a red, red rose, and i also enjoyed the numerical precision of the Bride and Groom’s history of their relationship: for example, the 179 days that it took James to ask Claire out.

At the end of the ceremony, everyone stayed where they were, to give the photographer time to get up to the gallery and take a group shot. Then, they were served with drinks, and went outside to throw confetti. Luckily, the weather was clear enough for photos in the Botanic Gardens. As they posed beside the vehicle that was to take them there, I had my the last sight of James and Claire: they were standing beside a smart VW Campervan, a friend’s treasured possession of a friend, which had been polished into the brightest of shines.

Òran Mór means the ‘great melody of life’ or ‘big song’. When the chapel was converted, the original features of the church were kept, and it’s a wonderful wedding venue. It has a high ceiling, filled with light filtered by ancient, pagan stained glass, and the strong, joyful blue of Alasdair Gray’s celestial ceiling mural, and it’s atmospheric as well as beautiful.

http://www.oran-mor.co.uk/page/Weddings_148.html

They were an elegant sight, Ashley in  white, her Bridesmaids in black, and Kevin and his Best Men smart and handsome too. A string quartet played as Ashley walked in with her dad, and again when the Bridal Party processed out afterwards, and during the twenty-five minutes of the ceremony we celebrated the love and commitment of Ashley and Kevin, as a couple and a family.

Ashley and Kevin knew each other at school and had been more or less inseparable since then – although Kevin often works offshore. Leah was born soon after they’d left school, and the two of them concentrated on doing well for themselves and their daughter, though they always meant to get married….. then, seven years later, Jodi and Jude, their twins, were born, and life become chaotic again. Life couldn’t have been easy for Kevin and Ashley – no wonder their families were so proud of them. As I said at the ceremony:  Ashley was a bridesmaid at Sarah-Ann and Mark’s wedding, and caught the bride’s bouquet (nearly killing everyone in her determination to catch it) and Kevin AGREED, yes AGREED to get married!. A date was set for the wedding, and after 14 years and 3 children, here they are today, tying the knot at last.

Because their families are so important to them, I also said this: A wedding is as much a celebration of family as it is of two people’s love for one another, and for Kevin and Ashley this is especially true! It’s heart-warming to think that three generations are represented in this small gathering of people, and that the older generation of their two families, unrelated to one another by blood, and Kevin and Ashley themselves, unrelated except through the bonds of love, are all related by ties of blood and kinship to the younger generation, Leah, Jodi and Jude, and through them they’re brought into a close family relationship with one another.

For the same reason, their value for family, Ashley and Kevin had chosen to have all three Affirmations – first, from Ashley’s dad, who stood to answer the question, then Ashely’s mum and Kevin’s parents, standing and speaking together, and finally everyone (I told them they didn’t need to stand), all of them speaking up loud and clear. It’s always very touching to feel the delight of family and friends, as the couple stand before them to exchange their vows.

Jodi and Jude were very interested in the proceedings, both of them very proud to stand in the limelight beside their mum and dad, and Leah was a lovely, helpful Bridesmaid.

Crieff Hydro’s a large, busy hotel, a holiday destination with many activities and entertainments, restaurants and bars, and it has a friendly atmosphere. As well as all this, there’s its beautiful gardens, and on Kevin and Ashley’s wedding day the weather was sunny enough for them to have photos taken outside. With their them of black, white and grey, you’d think the Victorian folly and the steel-grey sky had been painted specially for them. Beautiful.

http://www.crieffhydro.com/weddings.aspx

Couples often say they’re interested in a Humanist wedding ceremony because they’re not religious. Then, when they find out what Humanists believe, they’re apt to say, “Oh – that’s what we think too!’ They hadn’t realised, but they’d been secret Humanists for years!

Research suggests the majority of people in the UK are secular, and we suspect most of them are Secret Humanists, but they don’t know it because they’ve never heard of Humanism. We think it’s time they did. And that’s what the H Factor campaign is about.

From September 25th, a film crew will tour Scotland for five days in a search to find the stars of the first ever Humanist TV commercial. Auditions will be held in Edinburgh, Dundee, Aberdeen, Inverness and Glasgow, where members of the public will be asked to answer questions on major moral issues. Anyone can sign up at The H Factor web site, and individuals who appear in the final advert next year will receive a £500 appearance fee.

Check it out, and sign up! http://www.thehfactor.org.uk/

Hardy and Isabella both looked radiantly happy, and elegant and handsome, at their wedding, and all their guests looked very happy too. The two of them had thought carefully about every element of their ceremony, and made it truly theirs, with their own take on the symbolic gestures, and their History, Three Things, and readings. These included ‘These are the hands of your best friend’ while they were bound together with their own tartan ribbons for the Handfasting, which was a lovely touch. They first met in Sydney, Australia, more than ten years ago, travel being one of the passions they share, and in those ten years they’ve lived in Bondi Beach and Osaka, as well as the north and south of England, and they’ve been to many other places on holiday. They felt an affinity with Japan in particular, so at the end of their wedding ceremony they drank Sake from their Quaich.

The ground floor at Dovecot Studios houses a stunning exhibition space, which is sometimes used as a wedding venue. There are some big, beautiful hangings on the plain white walls, and the room is airy and bright, furnished with elegant simplicity. I hadn’t been there before, and I arrived extra early so I could help to arrange the room in the best way possible for Hardy and Isabella’s wedding. The staff were very helpful and kind, so it was easy, and I had plenty of time to relax and enjoy the atmosphere.

Isabella and Hardy had been concerned about getting every detail exactly right for their wedding day, and it seemed unfair that not only had they had to rearrange the venue after their original choice had gone bankrupt, but also that Fascists and Anti-Fascists had chosen to stage their demonstrations and marches in Edinburgh on that day. Luckily, the new venue, Dovecot Studios, was wonderful, and all the guests had got through the traffic jams in time for a not-too-late a start to the wedding ceremony.

Eight months had passed since my first meeting with Hardy and Isabella, and their beautiful little daughter had been asleep the whole time. Kiki wasn’t going to miss their wedding, though, and she was happiest when she was being held by her mum, which I thought fair enough. I always say to couples with young children that it’s best if we simply go with the flow. The children sense the tension that everyone’s feeling and , not being able to understand what’s going on, can get very anxious – and who do they want when they’re anxious: their parents! If they end up being part of the handfasting, or being held by their  mum or dad during the exchange of vows, then so be it, I won’t mind. And I don’t mind partly because I know that the Bride and Groom will be distracted  and worried if they can hear their little one crying. Immediately following the wedding, we had a Welcoming or Naming ceremony for  Kiki, at which Hardy and Isabella made parental promises, their niece and nephew gave a lovely reading of  ’Wishes’. and I presented Miss Takiki Daisy Isabella Finn, after which there was enthusiastic applause from friends and family, which Kiki didn’t much appreciate.

The piper led the married couple and baby to the other end of the room for champagne, cake and speeches, and I was very touched that Isabella’s wonderful attention to detail had  inspired individualised cupcakes for her guests, one of which was decorated with a campervan in my honour.

The Master Weavers of Dovecot Studios have been producing monumental tapestries for 99 years, and its first weavers came from William Morris studios in Wimbledon. The weavers work closely with artists to produce woven versions of their works, and have designs by David Hockeny, Elizabeth Blackadder. Patrick Caulfield and many other famous modern painters. Their centenary exhibition in 2012 will be well worth a visit.

http://www.dovecotstudios.com/index.aspx

What a pleasure, to be back at Bunchrew for an autumn wedding! I’d met the Bridegroom before, but not the Bride, though I knew a bit of their story. Iain is from Melness, in the Far North of Scotland, but he’s spent his life as a racing engineer, on the F1 circuit, and he’s been based in Amsterdam for many years. Geiza’s from Brazil, and was working in Amsterdam when they met. They clicked straightaway, feeling at ease in each other’s company, and making each other laugh. From their Three Things and their History, it was clear that they appreciated one another’s kindness and courtesy too, and that they complement each other’s characters.

Organising the wedding had tested Iain to the limit – he hadn’t been married before, and was very nervous, and he wanted to get everything just right for Geiza and her family. Talking to his friends before the ceremony, I gathered that he wasn’t best known for his organisational abilities, though this hadn’t struck me during our phone calls and emailing – I just thought he was anxious. Anyway, he’d managed to get Geiza’s twelve-year-old daughter Isadora, and Geiza’s mother and some of her other relatives from Brazil to the venue, and his own family and friends had gathered there in plenty of time too, and his warmth enveloped them all.

Isadora, in a stunning white dress with full skirt and poppy-red sash, was tall and lovely, and probably the least nervous of the three. She entered with Geiza, supervised the Wedding Band Warming, and confidently gave her Affirmation to her mother’s choice of Iain as her husband. Iain and Geiza’s mothers are both widows, so it was nice for them to state together that they were happy to give their Affirmation to the couple’s marriage.

One moment that touched me deeply came when Bride and Groom were exchanging rings and vows. Although we’d talked this through the day before, his nerves had got the better of Iain and he couldn’t remember what to do – when I passed him Geiza’s ring, he started putting it on his own finger…. Geiza smiled. I admired her calm and steadiness, and the confidence with which she stated her vows in English, though her first language is Portuguese.

After they’d toasted one another’s health from the Quaich,  we brought the ceremony to a close, and Iain and Geiza, looking relieved, happy and relaxed, made their exit, but not before Geiza had thrown her bouquet, aiming it at a particular friend, which isn’t easy when you’re standing with your back to the crowd and throwing the bouquet over your shoulder! Then the joyful party began.

Luckily, the weather allowed for outdoor photos and, when the photographer posed the Bridal party under the famous ancient tree, I took a few of my own. Good luck for the future, Iain, Geiza and Isadora!

]]> http://blog.penelopes-weddings.co.uk/2011/09/16/9-september-2011-iain-geizas-humanist-wedding-at-bunchrew-house/feed/ 0 http://blog.penelopes-weddings.co.uk/2011/09/10/3-september-2011-malcolm-meaghans-humanist-wedding-at-inchyra-grange/ http://blog.penelopes-weddings.co.uk/2011/09/10/3-september-2011-malcolm-meaghans-humanist-wedding-at-inchyra-grange/#comments Sat, 10 Sep 2011 15:17:50 +0000 admin http://blog.penelopes-weddings.co.uk/?p=427

Red roof of Crear

Olwen and Mike’s wedding was at beautiful Crear. I was pleased to see its red roof again – and not just because the 16 miles of single-track road winds on and on and you think you’ll never get there! Whatever the weather, the main room, the gallery, is filled with light, and the atmosphere there is calm and cheering. There are wonderful paintings on the walls, and then you look out through the huge glass windows to the ever-changing moods and colours of land, cloud, sea and sky.

Friends and family had helped to prepare name-cards, favours and decorations, and many other things besides. There was gorgeous bunting, in three shades of blue, hanging in the gallery. Olwen has an artistic eye, nimble fingers for craft work, and high standards of presentation. At home, she’s often up late when she’s preparing materials for the classroom, and she told me that it was on one of those nights, at about one in the morning, that she realised how lucky she is, because Mike was up too, uncomplainingly photocopying whatever she needed while she was busy with something else!

Olwen and Mike wanted to acknowledge and celebrate their family ties and friendships, and made this a central theme in the wedding ceremony, both in the wording of the script and in their selection of Symbolic Gestures. The Wedding Band Warming always involves all the guests, and I enjoyed asking both sets of parents, first Olwen’s, then Mike’s, to give their Affirmation to the couple’s choice to marry one another, then asking everyone to say YES to a similar question. It seems anachronistic for a Bride to be handed over to the Groom, as if she’s been the responsibility of her father up to now, and henceforward will be the responsibility of her husband – nowadays, we think of husband and wife being equal, and equally responsible. That’s why, in Humanist wedding ceremonies, we have an Affirmation instead of a giving-away.

There are many other ways of including family. For example, on behalf of Olwen and Mike, and as representatives of their families, their mothers lit the two individual candles near the beginning of the ceremony. Later, after they’d exchanged their rings and vows, Olwen and Mike used the flames from their individual candles to light the third, larger candle, which symbolised their union in marriage as well as the coming together of their two separate  families.

Other special elements of Mike and Olwen’s wedding were: the sight of the Bridesmaids, in their elegant dresses of dark blue, then Olwen herself, lovely in white, descending the winding staircase; Mike’s quiet manner, and his thoughtfulness; Mike’s nephew, who was a wonderful gofer the whole weekend, discreetly filming; Stephanie’s calm management; George and Kate’s calm photography; the playing of Graham Dickie, the pianist www.wavingarms.co.uk ; the cute young baby – both her presence, and the fact that she was taken out when she started howling! And I loved the bright, sky-blue in the Welsh tartan ribbons they used for the Hand-fasting, the reading of Roy Croft’s ‘Love’ by Olwen’s mum, and Gavin’s rendition of ‘A Marriage Made for Two’, comparing marriage to riding a tandem – it had some wise and amusing advice! For example, Look after each other. A well-oiled bike will run smoothly and change gear easily and Marriage is a promise to each other to endure the climbs so that you may chase the swoops and swerves of perfect single-track.

Hills of Jura

www.crearweddings.co.uk

For the wedding, it was just Mike and Uta, with me conducting the ceremony, and photographer Sandy Fea and his wife doubling up as witnesses. And of course the Bunchrew House staff were there, making sure everything ran smoothly and we had what we needed. Mike’s daughters had given them a collage of family photos, and they found the means to prop this up behind the candles, quaich and hand-fasting sash, on the table beneath the tree. This was a beautiful way of including important family members in the wedding ceremony, and Sandy made sure they were visible in the photos.

Given their interest in all things Celtic, it wasn’t surprising that Mike and Uta had included some symbolic gestures in their wedding, and they were looking forward to exploring the culture, landscape and wildlife of the Highlands before they returned home.

Back in June, Mike and Uta asked my advice about a beach or woodland location for their ceremony and, although I love conducting weddings in such places, I was glad I’d recommended sticking with their original plan to marry at Bunchrew. The weather has been especially changeable and unpredictable this year, and we’ve hardly had a ‘summer’ at all. When we met at Girvans for a cup of tea the previous day, it was pouring with rain and, as Mike and Uta had left their  umbrellas in Germany, they’d had to buy a new one - tartan, of course! Sandy told us that the Cedar of Lebanon has a thick enough canopy to keep everyone dry, so we’d have been okay in rain, but we were all glad that the skies had cleared – there wasn’t any wind to blow out the candles, and there were even some gleams of sunshine!

Mike and Uta aren’t the sort of people to be discouraged by rain, but I hope they’re having enough dry days to enjoy fine views of hills and glens, to linger beside beaches, trees, rocks and water, and to see eagles as well as dolphins and seals – and they’re taking plenty of photos to show everyone when they return home. And I wish them joy and jollity when they hold their big party for family and friends in the autumn!