Despite the cold, there was a warm atmosphere of joy and love amongst friends and family, from newborn babies to grannies and grandpas, the special people with whom Karen and Dave wanted to share their special ceremony. The two of them had chosen and written the words with care, celebrating their love and commitment, and invoking the ‘blessings’ of the elements and the natural world, with two traditional rites – warming of the wedding rings, and drinking to one another from a quaich. Instead of a ring for his finger, Karen gave Dave a Maori pendant, a circle carrying the same powerful symbolism as the wedding ring that Dave gave to Karen: eternity, the cycle of the seasons, never-ending love.

The cedar’s magnificent red branches spread out behind us, providing a shelf for signing and witnessing the marriage schedule, as well as a dramatic background for the bridal party during the ceremony. Before the signing, I’d accidentally missed out something important, so I apologised to the guests and to Karen and Dave, and with great emotion they read some specially composed words of commitment to one another. After some final words from me, Karen and Dave drank from their quaich, and everyone raised their glasses in a toast to the bride and groom, now husband and wife, and cheered.

As I left, the sun came out & the photographer was organising the group shots:

Andy and Kim have often stayed in Culkein, near Stoer Lighthouse, and they wanted to get married there, in a straightforward, unfussy ceremony, surrounded by elemental rocks, sea and sky. But it would have been difficult for all their friends and family to be there with them, considering the logistics of travel from different parts of England, and the difficulty of finding enough accommodation – not to mention the disadvantages of a windy, cliff-top venue for anyone too young, too old or too frail. It would have been a shame if only a few people had managed to come, and everyone else had missed out.

This is why Kim and Andy had thought of organising a week’s holiday in Lochinver, in the company of two very close friends and the friends’ young sons, during which they’d have a secret wedding. Anne, the local Registrar, had suggested asking me to conduct the wedding, and we’d discussed their ideas at the back of last year, then drafted the ceremony script via email. Now, here we were, meeting again, but this time in Culkein.

We walked out to the Point, and stood above the arch for the ceremony, the sea swelling, rising and falling on the shelves of rock below. It’s a place where Andy and Kim have often sat for the evening, enveloped in the beauty of the ever-changing light, watching and listening to the wildlife – seabirds, dolphins, seals, otters and porpoises.

We were prepared for bad weather, but the rain clouds had passed over us, the sun was out, and the wind didn’t get up again until we’d finished the ceremony and were taking photos.

Kim and Andy’s friends had brought gifts for the Four Elements Well-Wishing ceremony, collected on the beach just before we set out: driftwood for Fire, a bowl of seater for Water, a pebble for Earth, and a feather for Air. Apart from their beautiful promises and vows, this was the highlight of Kim and Andy’s wedding, partly because of the words spoken, partly because everyone was involved.

For example: Will your love survive the times of stillness and restriction, as well as the times of growth and abundance? Then may your marriage be strong and trusting, and in harmony with nature’s seasons.

I wish them all a wonderful celebration when they get home – the party’s organised, but they’ve told everyone it’s to celebrate a significant birthday. They’ll tell them the real reason nearer the time, and display  the marriage certificate, together with wedding photos and video clips for everyone to see – just in case they don’t believe them! How romantic!

The bride, her dad and her bridesmaids came down the aisle to the music of Foo Fighters – with its romantic associations for Kelly and Stevie – and  everyone took their places, all smiles.  After a few welcoming words from me, Kelly and Stevie’s mums lit their two family candles at the beginning of the ceremony, a lovely reminder of the importance of family, and the love and care that Stevie and Kelly have received and are bringing to each other through their marriage. Later, when they were husband and wife, they used the light from their separate and individual candles to light a third candle together, symbolising their union in marriage.

The other symbolic gestures Stevie and Kelly chose to include were Handfasting, a brief History of their relationship, and ‘Three Things’ – their lists of things they love about one another, secret from everyone, including each other, until the moment I reveal them during the ceremony – this is always such a touching, emotional moment for bride and groom, and for their families and friends too. Oh, and we also had a warming of the wedding rings, which produced a brief scare, because when the moment for exchanging rings arrived no one knew where they were… the best man and I shrugged at each other, guests exchanged looks, and we started making jokes about locking the doors….but a sweet old lady had put them in her lap and forgotten them, so all was well.

Before long, vows had been made, rings exchanged, husband and wife declared, the marriage schedule signed and witnessed, and it was the end of the ceremony. Lynn Robinson, the photographer, organised a group photo while I extracted myself from Colin’s video equipment. This was the moment I realised I’d forgotten to switch my phone to silent, despite having reminded all the guests to check theirs – luckily, no one had phoned me, but I gave myself a good ticking off for my forgetfulness.

My photography skills aren’t up to much, which is why my photo of Stevie and Kelly isn’t very good – but what beautiful smiles! And who can resist the bright faces of these three young guests?

Humanists aren’t supposed to be superstitious, but I’d got fingers and toes crossed that the weather would be kind to Stig and Lar, and it was, but perhaps all their friends from the Findhorn Community had more to do with this than I did. As I parked, I saw lots of people busy greeting each other and working together to make this a joyous celebration. I loved the rainbow colours, the sense of inclusion, the gentle bustle of organising food, drink and music for later, and most of all the feelings of goodwill, affection and celebration that seemed to fill the air.

Stig had been wanting Lar to marry him for a while, and at last she’d overcome her shyness and said yes! The last thing he might have expected was to see her coming towards him in a long white wedding dress, but she did. She’d been very pleased to find it on eBay, and then she’d treated herself to a pair of wonderful white Doc Marten boots; but the crowning glory was the shawl she’d crocheted for her wedding day, very beautiful in design and craftsmanship.

We warmed the wedding rings and lit candles – the flames protected by the glass walls of a fish tank – and then four of Stig and Lar’s close friends presented a ‘Four Elements’ ceremony, with readings expressing the powerful qualities symbolised by Fire, Earth, Air and Water. This was the highlight of the ceremony for me, matched only by the surprise ‘false ending’ devised by the same friends: I pretended to finish the ceremony, then said oops I’d forgotten something, and they sang the song that’s Stig’s ringtone, which he’s been known to sing to Lar – all about getting married! It made a merry and joyous conclusion to the ceremony!

Robert and Deborah looked great, very smart smart-casual, and so did all their guests, and everyone was very welcoming. Some people hadn’t realised, until they walked into the living-room and saw the banner, that they’d come to a wedding and not just the party they’d been told about! It was nice to see Donna, Deborah’s daughter, again – she’s a beautician, and she’d had a stall next to us Humanists at the Caithness Horizons Wedding Fair (I didn’t refer to her mum’s wedding until she did, as I wasn’t sure if they’d told her!)

I knew Robert and Deborah would be looking forward to the end of the ceremony, when they could relax and simply be the host and hostess for the celebration, and I could see they were a bit nervous, standing together in front of the everyone as we began the ceremony. But it all went tell, and it was very touching. And delightful for me to declare that they were now husband and wife!

This was one of their readings: A good marriage must be created, In the marriage, the little things are the big things… It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say “I love you” at least once each day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together and facing the world. It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family. It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is not only marrying the right person, it is being the right partner.  (William Arlan Petersen)

It was a shame to be leaving, especially with all the wine,  savouries and divine cake that were being offered!

It was a perfect morning for Patrick and Cathy’s wedding – a wonderful surprise, as the weather on surrounding days was too wet and windy. We were to set out on foot from Balnakeil Beach, and by 8 o’clock I’d parked by the ruined church and was reading the paper and drinking freshly-brewed coffee. The Best Man was the first to arrive, and he took me to meet Cathy and her friends, then back to Balnakeil Beach in time to walk to the chosen spot with Patrick and the wedding guests.

When they were first planning their wedding, it was going to be minimalist, but then they’d realised that they wanted to share the day with close family and friends – three generations of adults and children – including Patrick’s elderly mother, whose walking pace was stronger and faster than mine.

Patrick and Cathy share a passion for travel and adventure in wild places, and are never happier than when they’re swimming, surfing, hiking or climbing, or sleeping under the stars far away from so-called civilisation. It hadn’t surprised anyone that they’d chosen the Far North-West coast for their wedding – the venue would have been Cape Wrath, if we’d been able to rely on calm seas for the boat ride across the Kyle of Durness. They were planning to take the wedding party across later, to have their party in the Kervaig Bothy.

Patrick and his friends had been out to the chosen spot earlier on, and they’d made it safe by roping off the cliff edge, and providing a guiding-rope in the place where the path was narrow and the rocks uneven, so I had no concerns about the physical safety of guests. They’d also provided simple benches, cushions and rugs, which were definitely needed. The sun shone, but the wind was strong, so I kept the marriage schedule tucked away until after the ceremony (we signed it inside the 4×4 ‘wedding car’). The wind snatched at our voices, though, and some of our words were lost, so I was glad everyone was sitting and standing close enough to Patrick and Cathy to hear most of what was said.

Cathy and Patrick hadn’t include Symbolic Gestures, apart from a Faroese toast that they decided to hold over until later. They’re both wordsmiths by inclination and profession, one a writer , the other a television presenter, and they’d composed the script with care.  For a marriage of two such independent, strong characters, I was particularly touched by this:  As partners, husband and wife accept that one is good at one thing, and the other another. They give advice in the spirit of helpfulness rather than to criticise, and foster an attitude that encourages the other to flourish, in a relationship that’s constructive and allows both of them to grow – not one at the expense of the other.  They’re both big enough to support when needed, and push when required, and each tries to think of the other first, and each thrives on the other’s passions and successes. They see the good side, remember the good things, try to be positive. They plan the future and strive to achieve their goals, but they’re not afraid of changing course if circumstances change. And of course they’ve both got a sense of humour! It’s a good recipe for happiness in marriage.

http://www.durness.org/TIC%20Countryside%20Ranger.htm

http://www.undiscoveredscotland.co.uk/durness/balnakeil/index.html

Tracy’s family is from Golspie, so Dunrobin is their local Castle, though Tracy and Eoin live in Ireland, Eoin’s home country, with baby Euan, their pride and joy. Brides and Grooms always have so many last-minute things to do, however much help they have from friends and family, so I was glad they’d been able to meet me for a cup of tea the previous day, before we went along to Dunrobin for a short run-through.

As I walked towards the Castle, I was happy to hear the Piper playing for the arrival of the guests, and to see Scott and the photographer waiting by the front door. Dunrobin was looking beautiful, as always, and I reflected on how lucky I am to be able to visit such wonderful venues as part of my working day.

Before the ceremony began, there was a bit of joshing from the Irish Best Men and ushers, very warm and friendly, and warm and friendly describes the whole of the wedding. For me, this was just as well, as I’d left their handfasting ribbons hanging up in my van, and only remembered them as I started to read the relevant section of my script…. How unprofessional! Thank goodness it wasn’t my first wedding at the venue! Scott saved the day – he took my key and fetched the ribbons, while we moved on to one of the readings. (Memo to self: don’t answer the phone when getting ready for a wedding.)

One highlight for me was Eoin and Tracy’s Three Things, as they spoke about laughter, patience, understanding, clumsiness, forgetfulness, empathy and selflessness. Another was the reading of Paul’s letter to the Corinthians, in a beautifully written modern translation:  Love is patient, Love is kind and envies no-one. Love is never boastful, nor conceited nor rude; never selfish, nor quick to take offence. Love keeps no score of wrongs; Does not gloat over other men’s sins, but delights in the truth. There is nothing love cannot face; There is no limit to its faith, its hope, and its endurance.

Yet another highlight was the Sand Ceremony, with three colours of sand, one each for Bride and Groom, and another for the next generation, poured on their behalf by his Uncle Donnie.  Let’s acknowledge and celebrate now this joining of individuals and the uniqueness of this very lovely family with a simple ceremony. The mixing together of these three colours of sand represents not only the joining of Owen and Tracy in marriage but the arrival of the next generation of their families and the joy this has brought to you all. Every grain of sand is tiny, seemingly insignificant in the vast expanse of the world, but reminds us that every tiny quality we each possess helps to make up a great good, a wealth of human love, such as brings us together today to celebrate.

I also loved the short Naming ceremony for Euan, with parental promises to strive to provide Euan with a loving, caring home to enable him the freedom to develop his own personality and endeavour to give him a strong sense of identity and self-esteem and quide-parent promises to provide Euan with a guiding hand when he needs it most, help to teach him right from wrong, and love him for who he is. Khalil Gibran’s advice always brings a lump to my throat, too: You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

The best of love and luck to them all!

It was my first visit to Òran Mór, and I immediately understood why James and Claire had chosen it for their wedding: it’s stunningly beautiful, and I was glad I’d arrived early and had time to gaze around. Also, knowing that James and Claire wanted an intimate, informal atmosphere, I wanted to check the layout of the room. If the chairs are arranged in a slight curve, like rows in a theatre, everyone feels closer to the Bridal Party, so I asked one of James’s teemage relatives to help me move them. James, his Best Men and Ushers greeting guests as the Piper played, and soon everyone had climbed the spiral staircase and found their places, and we didn’t have long to wait before the Bridesmaids had arrived and Claire was entering the room on the arm of her dad.

If there are more than seventy guests, I like to start the Wedding Band Warming before the entrance of the Bride, so no one will feel hurried or self-conscious, and the Best Man won’t be panicking, so James and Claire’s family and friends were already ‘warming’ the rings and making their silent wishes for the future of the Bride and Groom.

To keep their nerves steady, James and Claire had decided to face towards one another during the ceremony, rather than looking out at their guests – but they’d told me how important their family and friends are to them, and it was very touching to witness the pleasure everyone felt in seeing them exchange their marriage vows. For me, one of the wedding highlights was Claire’s brother’s reading of Robbie Burn’s beautiful O, my luve is like a red, red rose, and i also enjoyed the numerical precision of the Bride and Groom’s history of their relationship: for example, the 179 days that it took James to ask Claire out.

At the end of the ceremony, everyone stayed where they were, to give the photographer time to get up to the gallery and take a group shot. Then, they were served with drinks, and went outside to throw confetti. Luckily, the weather was clear enough for photos in the Botanic Gardens. As they posed beside the vehicle that was to take them there, I had my the last sight of James and Claire: they were standing beside a smart VW Campervan, a friend’s treasured possession of a friend, which had been polished into the brightest of shines.

Òran Mór means the ‘great melody of life’ or ‘big song’. When the chapel was converted, the original features of the church were kept, and it’s a wonderful wedding venue. It has a high ceiling, filled with light filtered by ancient, pagan stained glass, and the strong, joyful blue of Alasdair Gray’s celestial ceiling mural, and it’s atmospheric as well as beautiful.

http://www.oran-mor.co.uk/page/Weddings_148.html

They were an elegant sight, Ashley in  white, her Bridesmaids in black, and Kevin and his Best Men smart and handsome too. A string quartet played as Ashley walked in with her dad, and again when the Bridal Party processed out afterwards, and during the twenty-five minutes of the ceremony we celebrated the love and commitment of Ashley and Kevin, as a couple and a family.

Ashley and Kevin knew each other at school and had been more or less inseparable since then – although Kevin often works offshore. Leah was born soon after they’d left school, and the two of them concentrated on doing well for themselves and their daughter, though they always meant to get married….. then, seven years later, Jodi and Jude, their twins, were born, and life become chaotic again. Life couldn’t have been easy for Kevin and Ashley – no wonder their families were so proud of them. As I said at the ceremony:  Ashley was a bridesmaid at Sarah-Ann and Mark’s wedding, and caught the bride’s bouquet (nearly killing everyone in her determination to catch it) and Kevin AGREED, yes AGREED to get married!. A date was set for the wedding, and after 14 years and 3 children, here they are today, tying the knot at last.

Because their families are so important to them, I also said this: A wedding is as much a celebration of family as it is of two people’s love for one another, and for Kevin and Ashley this is especially true! It’s heart-warming to think that three generations are represented in this small gathering of people, and that the older generation of their two families, unrelated to one another by blood, and Kevin and Ashley themselves, unrelated except through the bonds of love, are all related by ties of blood and kinship to the younger generation, Leah, Jodi and Jude, and through them they’re brought into a close family relationship with one another.

For the same reason, their value for family, Ashley and Kevin had chosen to have all three Affirmations – first, from Ashley’s dad, who stood to answer the question, then Ashely’s mum and Kevin’s parents, standing and speaking together, and finally everyone (I told them they didn’t need to stand), all of them speaking up loud and clear. It’s always very touching to feel the delight of family and friends, as the couple stand before them to exchange their vows.

Jodi and Jude were very interested in the proceedings, both of them very proud to stand in the limelight beside their mum and dad, and Leah was a lovely, helpful Bridesmaid.

Crieff Hydro’s a large, busy hotel, a holiday destination with many activities and entertainments, restaurants and bars, and it has a friendly atmosphere. As well as all this, there’s its beautiful gardens, and on Kevin and Ashley’s wedding day the weather was sunny enough for them to have photos taken outside. With their them of black, white and grey, you’d think the Victorian folly and the steel-grey sky had been painted specially for them. Beautiful.

http://www.crieffhydro.com/weddings.aspx

Couples often say they’re interested in a Humanist wedding ceremony because they’re not religious. Then, when they find out what Humanists believe, they’re apt to say, “Oh – that’s what we think too!’ They hadn’t realised, but they’d been secret Humanists for years!

Research suggests the majority of people in the UK are secular, and we suspect most of them are Secret Humanists, but they don’t know it because they’ve never heard of Humanism. We think it’s time they did. And that’s what the H Factor campaign is about.

From September 25th, a film crew will tour Scotland for five days in a search to find the stars of the first ever Humanist TV commercial. Auditions will be held in Edinburgh, Dundee, Aberdeen, Inverness and Glasgow, where members of the public will be asked to answer questions on major moral issues. Anyone can sign up at The H Factor web site, and individuals who appear in the final advert next year will receive a £500 appearance fee.

Check it out, and sign up! http://www.thehfactor.org.uk/